Self-Checkout

Honest Definitions

  1. Sensitive machine allowing customers to fulfill their dreams of working in the grocery industry without pay
  2. Recent technological advancement helping humans reach their goal of never talking with anyone else, ever

Usage Example: “There is no unexpected item in the bagging area! Why did I pick the self-checkout line?”

Background: For people interested in doing their own dental work, comes the self-checkout machine. These machines allow customers to play “Fantasy Grocery Store.” While in the checkout line, few grocery store customers are able to resist the urge to jump over the counter and scan their own items. Thankfully, the industry has responded to this desire by providing customers with an easy way to work for their favorite stores without pay.

The self-checkout machine also helps customers meet another need: avoiding conversation at all costs. The invention of the cellular phone forever changed the trajectory of mankind’s desire to talk with…

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clever?

is being clever getting 11 A* at GCSE and 4 A* at Alevel, doing a degree, masters and PhD in Maths

or is it being good with people?

or being able to fix a car

or being humble?

or being self-disciplined

the answer ‘all of the above’ is not allowed

Superfoods

just so true

Honest Definitions

  1. Heroic, crime fighting fruits and vegetables
  2. Horrendous marketing failure

Usage Example: “Blueberries are a Superfood… Let’s eat them.”

Background: In 2003, Dr. Oz called a group of outcast fruits and vegetables to his secret lair, deep within a dormant volcano in Iceland. These fruits and vegetables were not incredibly popular, but in the mind of Dr. Oz, they possessed super powers. At this Superfood Summit, he commissioned the Superfoods to fight crime and defend truth and justice.

Each newly minted Superfood was issued a cape, mask and tights. They were then dispatched to the far corners of the earth. Among them were: blueberry, kale, spinach and broccoli.

Dr. Oz then began a global marketing campaign, spreading the word about this new group of Superfoods. From the outset, his campaign was a disaster. In a bizarre turn of events, instead of assisting the Superfoods in fighting evil, people decided to eat…

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